Conflicts are unavoidable in all interpersonal relationships. The reasons leading to interpersonal conflicts are numerous ranging from miscommunications to differences in agenda between people. Likewise, there are many ways to resolve interpersonal conflict that people adopt. I have always been conflict adverse and will avoid them if possible.
I recalled an incident during one of my projects in school. One of the requirements for this project was allocating how we want the total marks to be distributed among the members at the end. In my perspective, the entire group project went on smoothly until it was over. When we had a meeting to discuss the grades distribution, one of the members, A, felt that he had contributed the most work and asked for an uneven distribution and that he should be allocated more marks.
When he made that stand, we were surprised. The rest of us felt that the workload was evenly distributed. However, A stated that for the final essay, he made some major changes to the essay and credit himself for this extra work he put in. While he was doing the essay, the rest of us were busy with our parts for the project video.
During the meeting, group member B got into a heated debate with A, stating that B did not ask for help when he was working on the changes to the essay. A would argue that we did not take the initiative to approach him for what needs to be done. B would rebuke him saying that we were not informed of the changes to be made. The conflict went on for 30 minutes. The whole time I was taking the back seat. Eventually the conflict was ended when I suggested that A gets the extra marks from me while B gets to keep his even share of the marks.
I felt that there were several reasons that lead to the conflict arising. Firstly was that during the group project, there was insufficient communication going on between group members. Secondly, B felt that A did the extra work without informing us so he is able to get more marks at our expenses, thus he went on a direct confrontation with A. For me, I do feel that it was unfair to us what A has done, but I can’t think of any other ways to solve this conflict other that to give in. How do you think I could have handled the situation better?
Hi Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI must say you were faced with quite a challenging situation and it was commendable of you to have given your share of the marks.
Giving in to A would have been my eventual decision too but with our new found knowledge of EQ perhaps we could have handled the situation different now.
Firstly, I would have asked A for an explanation for not bringing this issue up while it was actually happening. I would also ask him to share how he felt when he was doing the extra work in an effort to understand why getting the extra marks was so important to him.
On top of that, I would put in the effort to get him to fully understand how his demands are putting the group in a very difficult situation and dicuss alternative solutions to the issue.
In my opinion, the most challenging aspect of having a good EQ is putting yourself in other's shoes and fully appreciating the reasons behind thier actions. Perhaps if B could have done that, he would not have been so quick to attack A. Also, if the group as a whole could have related to each other better, an alternative solution could have been suggested, instead of you having to sacrifice your marks. =]
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI think that it was noble of you to self-sacrifice and donate your marks to A. While it may not have been the best way to solve the problem, it was a way that worked out (somewhat) in the end.
I've never had a project with this kind of assessment method before, so I don't really know what I'd do. However, I'd imagine that I would settle the mark allocation at the beginning of the project, while the work delegation was being done. That way, it would be easier to correlate the proportion of marks obtained to the proportion of work undertaken.
However, given the existing conditions, I would probably try to act as a mediator for A and B to come to a compromise. As Zab has highlighted, A should have brought up any issues/problems when they happened, instead of waiting for the end of the project to air his grievances.
Alternatively, I would offer to split A's extra marks between B and myself (provided he really deserved the extra marks). That way, the impact would not be as large on a single person's grades.
In a more extreme scenario, I would take a majority vote on the mark allocation, which would probably end up in an even split. A might be unhappy about it, but one unhappy person is better than 2 unhappy people.
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteIndeed it was very sacrificial and generous of you to donate those marks to A as a solution to the problem.
I would be very surprised too by what A demanded if the project was going on smoothly and members are getting along well throughout. I guess no one will expect that A actually harbors feeling of injustice towards the point distribution.
Perhaps throughout the group project, each one can update the group regularly on how they are coping with the project. Thus, if a member is struggling, he can then get help from the rest at that point of time. This way, everyone is accountable to each other and the conflict could have been avoided (hopefully).
I strongly agree with Zab and Keefe’s point on questioning A (in a polite manner of course) for not surfacing the matter at that point of time. I would also try to explain to A that the rest of the members were busy with the other component of the project which is equally important. Now that the matter has been resolved, I think that it still important to inform A that while the team is willing to let go of the issue, what he/she did was still inconsiderate so that A will learn and not repeat the same mistake.
I don’t quite agree though with what Keefe said regarding allocating the points at the start, because there may be issues of complacency. Since you know the marks you are going to get, you may just settle for less and not put in the extra effort.:)
Cheers
Hi Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteAs with everyone, I agree that it was a sacrifice that you have made to end the conflict. Being highly grade conscious I would tend to be like B.
I do not think that A was being fair to both you and B. Changing things at the end then claiming the credits does not show that A has done a larger contribution it just shows A lack of maturity. It might have been better to explain to A that what he did was unfair. Since everyone agreed on the distribution of work at the start, any major change at the end should warrant notification to the other teammates. A should not wait for ‘initiative’ from others. What if either you or B disagrees with the changes he made?
I believe your method of solving this problem was the fastest possible. Though I wonder which module allows the student to allocate marks among themselves, it would definitely be unfair to the softer spoken people.
Regards,
Peh Joo
To Zabir,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that I could have handled the situation better. Like you mentioned, it would be sensible to first understand things from A's point of view first and getting him to understand things from our point of view as well. From there, it would have set a common ground for us to tackle the issue of the uneven distribution that we feel was unfair.
Perhaps I could have done better by mediating the heated arguments between A and B like what keefe had mentioned. The conflict could have been better resolved if it was done peacefully and things would not have spired out of control resulting in me taking drastic measures to end the conflict. A win-win situation would be for all three of us to come to a conclusion where we're all happy with the resolution of the differences.
Regards,
Jeremy
Hi Keefe,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that sacrificing my marks is not a best way to end the conflict for me but it was the fastest way I felt at that time to resolve the issue.
Based on what you have highlighted, I agree that I should have mediated the conflicts between A and B. One way to really resolve this conflict as you and Zab have pointed out, is to understand where A is coming from as well as getting him to understand things from our perspective.
Thanks for pointing out the several ways that we could have gone about to resolve this conflict. However, I agree with what Vee Nee mentioned about complacency when we allocated the work beforehand. From the understanding of EQ principles, i would have to say that it would be better to resolved the conflict where all of us are happy with the outcome where we understand each other's situation and is able to take a step to give in. Afterall we require the willing signature of all members on the grade distribution sheet.
Hi Vee Nee,
ReplyDeleteI understand your point on how each group member can update the group regularly on how they are coping with the project. It boils down to effective communication during the course of the project work and the lack of it might be the root of this conflict. This is one area that I can take note of in future.
Like the rest have also mentioned, it is important to understand each other's perspective on how we feel about the course of the project. I agree with your point on peaceful conflict resolution otherwise, it would lead to escalation of negative attitudes and behaviors. You also mentioned the importance of highlighting to A his behavior which may lead to misunderstanding easily and I agree that would be a good feedback for A in future endeavors.
Regards,
Jeremy
To Peh Joo,
ReplyDeleteThe project is from a module on management and organizational behavior. To me, sacrificing my marks was the fastest way to end the conflict, besides at that point in time I did not know how I could have done anything to improve the situation. However after looking at all the feedbacks that everyone has provided, I have a better grasp on handling a similar situation in future.
I also agree with you, how we should keep each other updated during the course of the project and provide feedbacks to one another. That way, it would minimize the future occurrence of similar situations.
Regards,
Jeremy
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI feel that you had a great EQ by let them finish what they have to say. However, I do feel unfair for you. Maybe from the start everyone should do an fair amount or at least an amount that everyone agree that would be fair so that such situation will not appear. And I feel that more communication could be done rather than just giving in.
If I were you,at that moment I would have ask them to calm down and talk nicely. After all I feel that people should discuss their solution for any interpersonal conflict while they are calm down.
And hope we do not have such problem for our peer teaching! =D